Still Knocking on Doors

I am learning that when you ask God to be clear because you aren't getting it...He'll become like crystal. I have already told you how God shut London. London is definitely shut. I'd like to keep it that way. When I began telling friends, family, roommates, anyone who I knew had been told, they tried to convince me to talk and reason with the University. The Lord had given me such a peace about it I knew London wasn't for me. This does not mean that I will never go to London in my life. God has given me a love of travel so I am just waiting for Him to open London back up. The door looked open I walked through and hit a brick wall...with strong rebarb. I am at a peace with it though.

So there I stood in a room full of doors.

I am currently working on a couple of doors right now. One door is this summer and if God will open Belize. I guess I should explain why I am still praying and not rushing. First, John and Lisa haven't given me a response yet. They have a right to not give one yet. Last time I was down there was not a positive experience. It was almost an utter disaster...actually it was. I was so narrow-minded on God's desire to come along side and love those who need love. That to raise up disciples He engulfs them with His followers. I made my life miserable by not wanting to get to know new people and being homesick. Praise the Lord on how He has scraped the clay off of my eyes and shown me some amazing things the past two years. He has shown me bits of His heart for His people and how He uses His people to achieve the goal that all should worship Him. I am stoked to see what more He shows me and how He continues to scrape and shape me. I know that I am no where near finished. So that is one door that I am trying. God has given me a peace that His will is going to be accomplished this summer.

Second door...next semester.

Now that God had shut the door for London the questions came. What classes am I going to take? Where am I going to live? How much am I going to take out in loans? Will I still have a job at My Learning Studio? What am I going to want to change? My lists came out and I was planning next semester. I was planning on pulling around 18-21 units splitting them with RCC. This could work. I could snag the last bed in the townhouse with Amy and be comfortable knowing her and getting to spend next year rooming again. We've worked out pretty well...except that I forget to make my bed sometimes and that she is a bright morning person. I decided to wait till the fin aid letter comes in to worry about loans...it wasn't worth the stress. Talked with my boss and she was ecstatic that I was able to return in the fall and was willing to hold my position. Made a list of goals that I feel will help with getting to know more people and getting better grades. I thought it was all settled and I was stoked. Of course, it wasn't. Monday I am told that there is a meeting in regards to housing with the townhouse I thought I was rooming in. We meet and I am confused. I thought everything was fine and settled. I had talked with one girl about giving her my housing number so it could all be complete before Easter Break. When the meeting started I knew right away...I wasn't going to be in that townhouse. Words were said and opinions came out that I thought never existed...I sat there fighting back tears and in utter confusion. I thought everything was okay, I had no idea that people felt this way. One said they didn't know me, and by there tone I felt they didn't want to know me. Another said she wasn't respected and would demand respect. There were a few girls that were very adamant about discouraging me from rooming in that townhouse. I was extremely hurt and was trying to understand how people could be so hurtful. The meeting ended with me saying that I would consider everything and figure it out. I quickly went to my room called my mom and cried for 30 minutes. I hate drama and at the moment I hated girls and their grudges and hidden agendas. I was very upset. As soon as I caught my breath a peace came on me. God whispered, "Hey Kansas, let me choose your roommates." What a thought?! Not choosing my own roommates but allowing God, who knows every personality in the world, pair me with the people He wants me to be with. I told my mom my plan and asked for prayer that God will chose the perfect roommates. I also told her to spread the word that I was asking for prayer in that situation. I went into the living room and spoke with one of my roommates. There were tears on my end. I hate crying in front of people and now have swollen eyelids this morning to show that. I told her my plan and was surprised how quickly God's peace came about me. I was so happy that I was hearing His voice and letting Him speak. God's arms wrapped me up and scooped me in His lap. He's placed a blindfold on me for this door and is going to spin me around and let me open the door with the perfect roommates. So excited to take the blindfold off in September.

God is a God that does not desire to confuse us. He is a gracious God who desires to show us in His perfect time what He has planned for our lives. Sometimes we can choose the door with clarity, other times it is a surprise for us. So if you are looking for me, I'm in the room filled with doors.