We Will Go...

home is where the heart is, originally uploaded by kmcaruso.

We will go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We will go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We will go.

For months this song has been tugging at my heart and I was slightly frustrated that the reason hadn't come. It isn't a song that is sung at Point Loma and I have only heard it on occasion back home at Calvary. This song however was eating me alive! "Okay Lord got the song stuck in my head...now what?!" I then applied for mission trips seeing if that would help...it didn't. Lord what do you want!
Finally I realized the bug of missions is still buried in my heart and I had tried for so long to bury it. I was tired of getting the funny looks when I told people my heart was to serve on the mission field. The lectures when I told family and they told me I could consider it, "once you finish college and start life." I prayed, "ok Lord I'm listening what are we going to do about this desire?" Answer: Leave.
Leave? You want me to leave? Yes I will, where are we leaving to? When? Should I pack for the jungle? The slums? The Sahara? Lets go! I think God chuckled when I got so excited to leave this country. "No child, we still need to finish college." But...I don't want to. It's not very fun here and the kids here aren't wanting to follow You. Well the ocean is pretty and my Chem professor is amazing but I don't see how being here is going to help. "No you're leaving." But where?!
Searching frantically on where I was leaving to, checking study abroad and praying. Mission trips and praying. Finally a break through! When I first considered Loma they offered a degree in Intercultural Studies...pretty much...how to be a missionary with your major. PERFECT! I pulled up the catalog and searched...nothing. I contacted my department and asked them. Answer: We got rid of that...no one was interested. "Well I am interested!!!" I understood what God meant by leave now...I was leaving my beach. I found 2 schools that offer what I wanted...one cheaper than Loma and one more expensive. I really didn't want to leave my pretty campus.
Last weekend, I went with a friend from here to visit a friend from one of the college's I had found with what I wanted. My world came crashing as my Loma world and my Calvary world clashed. I realized the mouth I had started getting by being around people and the de-sensitivity to things that make God shake His head. My world was rocked and I saw in a real way that I needed to get out of Loma and it was God telling me to leave. Still not fully convinced I sat in my devotions and read 1 Corinthians where is says "Bad company corrupts." Yes more of God grabbing my attention but me not wanting to face the music. I told my parents my plans and that I had filled out the application and had an audition to sing for their choir at the new school. The reception was not what I expected as one has shared their disappointment and the other has surprisingly been supportive as they analyze the pros and cons. The school I applied to will be approx. 10,000 cheaper a year than Loma, has my minor, and requires me to study abroad. Still seeking confirmation but too tired of looking for it. I sat down at Wed. night chapel "Timeout". The room was noisy as not too many people were interested in what Chip was saying. The people around me were having an entire full volume conversation and I couldn't focus. Finally through all the noise God spoke to me in this one quote: "There should be no division between our ministry and the rest of our life. God is not a God to be compartmentalized. Our major should reflect the ministry He has called us to."
Ok Lord I'll leave.
He speaks to us in the most unexpected and confirming ways. When we have given up searching He speaks.

We will go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We will go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We will go.